I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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