he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
