omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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