Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
