Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
