My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
ttyl tear gas
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
