i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
