we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
