Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
