I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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