In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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