i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
