Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
