Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize