What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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