we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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