where are you?
Hypothermia
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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