Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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