he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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