she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
