omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize