A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
