Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
