Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Even my vagina gasped.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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