Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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