I CAN MOONWALK!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
