Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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