She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
