idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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