I forgot how hot balto sounded
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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