please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
