i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
