just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
