just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
