:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
