Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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