I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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