I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
