I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
