youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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