i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
