I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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