I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
