I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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