Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
