just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
