I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
