I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize