Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
