are you so shy because you have an std?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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