im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Say something about gay babies.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
