I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
