i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
