If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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