I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
