I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
