now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You pole danced in your parka.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
