Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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