The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
