At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
