At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
