I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
