my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize