In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
