If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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