Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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