exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
