Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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