i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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