it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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