I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
