I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
