see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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