Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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