I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
